Finding Balance and Calm in the Midst of Change

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Ever since my second daughter was born, I’ve been trying to figure out the right balance between being a father, husband, employee and church member. I’m also at a crossroads career-wise, trying to decide between furthering my education or finding other employment. I’ve struggled with maintaining a healthy weight for years and I’m passionate about writing, but don’t do it as much as I’d like. Isn’t it funny how the things that will really make you happy, gets the least amount of attention. Why am I slacking? Each have different reasons associated with them.

Weight loss = I feel guilty when I want to exercise, which I usually prefer over dieting. I don’t think I should spend time on lifting or running when my wife is busy with the kids.

Writing = I’m lazy after work, spending time with the kids and cleaning up after dinner. Once the last dish is cleaned, kids are asleep and my wife is free, I just want to watch a movie. I want to enjoy the few free time hours I have by losing myself in watching a flick or sports.

Now I’ve been asked to serve in a leadership calling at my church. No longer able to blend into the shadows, I’ll be front and center. I’m excited but scared. Fearful of the time I might lose with my family. Frightened by failure. Unaware of how I’ll balance everything, especially since I haven’t been doing a good job at that in the first place.

My negative voices have already started to creep in. “You’re going to fail. You not worthy. You can’t handle.” These voices really hit hardest in the beginning but it’s important to remember that it’s normal for anyone to be nervous with change. Doubt can set in, especially when you are struggling with depression. It’s hard to feel like you can learn new things when you have little confidence in yourself. Change can look like a treacherous mountain to climb, unless you can stay focused on each step, understand that doing what you can is good enough and remembering the successes you have along the way. If you can do these things, climbing the mountain will look more like an opportunity then a burden.

What sorts of changes have you gone through or are going through in your life, and how are you working through them?

3 comments / Add your comment below

  1. Hi Keola!!! Yay for your first post. It *IS* weird that the things we love most, we tend to neglect. Except our wonderful kids, of course ;). I think finding time to exercise and write, for myself, I have to work as a team with my husband. Like this past weekend, I told him that I wanted to go to the gym (not a usual for me) and then I wanted to go on a bike ride. He agreed to watch the kids and I agreed (to myself) not to feel guilty about it because I know I’d do the same for him in a heartbeat. During weeknights, I spend quite a bit of time blogging and editing photos, and my husband knows this. So we plan to have a date night once a week, watching a movie or whatever, so we can connect. As for your negative voices, shut them out! :D. I am sure that the church is appreciative of any work you do for them.

  2. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Those negative voices creep up especially during times of stress but Iʻve found that with patience and a reality check, I can shut those voices out with reason. The feeling of guilt can be a double edged sword. It can be a motivating factor for change or it can shut down all reasons for change. For me, guilt is okay in small portions. Like all things, moderation is key.

  3. Finding balance is the number one challenge in life, especially for busy moms! I do a lot for my kids, but always remember I am still a person with her own needs. I still have my hobbies and my friends, and I cherish all that! Good luck finding your own balance. 🙂

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