Ever since my second daughter was born, I’ve been trying to figure out the right balance between being a father, husband, employee and church member. I’m also at a crossroads career-wise, trying to decide between furthering my education or finding other employment. I’ve struggled with maintaining a healthy weight for years and I’m passionate about writing, but don’t do it as much as I’d like. Isn’t it funny how the things that will really make you happy, gets the least amount of attention. Why am I slacking? Each have different reasons associated with them.
Weight loss = I feel guilty when I want to exercise, which I usually prefer over dieting. I don’t think I should spend time on lifting or running when my wife is busy with the kids.
Writing = I’m lazy after work, spending time with the kids and cleaning up after dinner. Once the last dish is cleaned, kids are asleep and my wife is free, I just want to watch a movie. I want to enjoy the few free time hours I have by losing myself in watching a flick or sports.
Now I’ve been asked to serve in a leadership calling at my church. No longer able to blend into the shadows, I’ll be front and center. I’m excited but scared. Fearful of the time I might lose with my family. Frightened by failure. Unaware of how I’ll balance everything, especially since I haven’t been doing a good job at that in the first place.
My negative voices have already started to creep in. “You’re going to fail. You not worthy. You can’t handle.” These voices really hit hardest in the beginning but it’s important to remember that it’s normal for anyone to be nervous with change. Doubt can set in, especially when you are struggling with depression. It’s hard to feel like you can learn new things when you have little confidence in yourself. Change can look like a treacherous mountain to climb, unless you can stay focused on each step, understand that doing what you can is good enough and remembering the successes you have along the way. If you can do these things, climbing the mountain will look more like an opportunity then a burden.
What sorts of changes have you gone through or are going through in your life, and how are you working through them?