I thought I'd drop in on you from a year in the future to tell you that in a few hours that smile on your face will soon melt as your body focuses on the GREATEST. THING. YOU. WILL. EVER. DO.
You are impatient, and I don't blame you. Noweo should've been almost a week old by now if she was on time. You'll learn this year that EVERYTHING happens on her time. Not yours. You sit and watch your Youtube friends holding their little bundles of joy and wonder what Noweo's face looks like. Does she have hair? What will her cry sound like? What will she feel like in my arms? How will I know I'm in labor? Will I be able to have the natural birth I want? Will I be able to handle the pain?What if my water breaks but I don't go into labor? They'll induce me. Will I be screaming in the car on the 1 hour 20 minute drive to Waimea? ...and so on.
You are SO TIRED of waiting. You feel helpless, at the mercy of unseen, unknown forces working within you. Your round ligaments are screaming under the burden of the life that has been growing inside of you for the last 9 months. I remember we danced in the living room today. Yeah. We were desperate. But you know what? It worked.
Your water will break tonight. You will be slightly frantic and momentarily forget everything that you had so meticulously planned, but it's ok. You don't need anything to give birth - really. Forget about the clothes you packed. Forget about the snacks. The last thing on your mind will be food...and clothes for that matter. Besides, you won't want to get them messy. And birth is MESSY.
Now pay attention because this part is important:
You were MADE to birth. I know. I know. You've heard this phrase over and over and over again, but it is soooooo beyond true. There will be a couple of moments where you will be scared, frantic even. Rely on Keola. He will be your rock tonight. You spend so much time wondering if you'll be strong enough you forgot that he has been holding your hand through this whole thing. You are ONE lucky girl. Everything will be ok. Trust your body. Trust your husband. It'll all be over in a few short hours, and looking back, you will love your labor and rave to everyone who will listen about how fabulous it was.
Holding Noweo for the first time will be magic. You won't even know what to do with yourself. She is the crown jewel of your life, and you will know it in that instant. My eyes water in anticipation of the sacredness of that moment. I can't wait for you to experience it.
And after all that, life must go on. You will be tired, and trust me, you still haven't caught up on your sleep. The next year will be full of triumphs and "try-agains," laughter, tears, quiet confidence and fear. You will question yourself and your decisions over and over again. Remember that babies are resilient. Feed her, change her, love her. That's all you need to worry about right now.
Last night I spend a good deal of time looking at pictures of Noweo in her first year of life. You wouldn't even recognize her if you saw her today. She is beautiful and happy and healthy and perfect. She LOVES her mommy and daddy and our bond is UN-breakable. We are three peas in a pod and can't imagine life any other way. So don't sweat it. Go with the flow. Motherhood is a beautiful adventure and looks good on you ;)
In a few hours your life will change forever, and you will love it. So savour every moment. Write it on your heart and never forget the night you entered into a partnership with God to raise one of his beloved children, and became a mother.
P.S. Don't bother pouring yourself that bowl of Captain Crunch. You'll never get to eat it.