Last night I watched Eat, Pray, Love, and as much as I hate to admit it, it could TOTALLY relate. At one point, Julia Roberts said she "felt dead inside." I am not above admitting that I feel the same way too sometimes. It's ironic that I can feel dead next to such a beautiful, ALIVE little baby, full of curiosity and exploration, but....I do. She gets to do exactly what she wants to do, and I do what I must. I'm not blaming her. It's not her fault I feel this way.
I remember in college, I had a TINY hole in the wall to call home, no computer, not even a cell phone for a while, no car, no tv, none of the things that today I wouldn't be able to live without, and still I managed to love every minute of my life. Keola and I tried to pinpoint what was so great about that time of our lives.
- lack of responsibility
- no debt
- lots of options
- a complete disregard for what other people thought of us
- good friends
- being outside
- general contentment
In contrast, 6 short years later, I have:
- quite a bit more responsibility
- lots of debt
- not much time or energy or leeway for spontaneity,
- a perception that I don't have very many options as to what I can do with my life while toting a baby around
- probably too much regard for what people think of me
- good friends that I barely keep in touch with because I traded friends in for a husband (who is my BEST friend but sometimes I JUST WANT TO TALK TO A GIRL thank you very much.)
- a vitamin D deficiency.
- a brain that's constantly thinking of what I want instead of what I have already been blessed with, even though I have waaaay more now than I ever did in college.
How did I get here? Simple. I left Neverland. I grew up. I'm not a child anymore.
But does growing up and not being a child anymore mean that you have to give up the things we used to enjoy? (Look at me I sound like I'm 60 or something...not twenty freaking five). While I admit my tastes have changed since I was 19, I feel like I lost my joie de vivre and by golly I WANT IT BACK!
So here's my "Take Back My Joie de Vivre" List:
- Move back to Hawaii (check!)
- Ask for help more often
- get out of debt
- Go out with friends
- Take more naps
- Go on dates
- Re-teach myself the guitar (which I used to play a lot but have since forgotten)
- Play my flute
- SING. I love to sing. And I don't anymore...not really.
- Go on picnics
- Learn to say "no".
- read books (not just blogs)
- Plant a garden
- Look at something beautiful every day.
- Take walks
- Learn how to cook. I mean REALLY cook.
- Excuse myself from perfection. It ain't happening.
Life doesn't have to end after kids. In fact, I'm discovering that a woman's zest for life becomes more important when she becomes a mother because really? what's the point of raising other people when you're empty and a shadow of your former self? What will you have to give them? We gave them life. Now we must help them LIVE it. Step 1: Live yours.