quarter life crisis


Last night I watched Eat, Pray, Love, and as much as I hate to admit it, it could TOTALLY relate. At one point, Julia Roberts said she "felt dead inside." I am not above admitting that I feel the same way too sometimes. It's ironic that I can feel dead next to such a beautiful, ALIVE little baby, full of curiosity and exploration, but....I do. She gets to do exactly what she wants to do, and I do what I must. I'm not blaming her. It's not her fault I feel this way.
I remember in college, I had a TINY hole in the wall to call home, no computer, not even a cell phone for a while, no car, no tv, none of the things that today I wouldn't be able to live without, and still I managed to love every minute of my life. Keola and I tried to pinpoint what was so great about that time of our lives.
  1. lack of responsibility
  2. no debt
  3. spontaneity
  4. lots of options
  5. a complete disregard for what other people thought of us
  6. good friends
  7. being outside
  8. general contentment
In contrast, 6 short years later, I have:
  1. quite a bit more responsibility
  2. lots of debt
  3. not much time or energy or leeway for spontaneity,
  4. a perception that I don't have very many options as to what I can do with my life while toting a baby around
  5. probably too much regard for what people think of me
  6. good friends that I barely keep in touch with because I traded friends in for a husband (who is my BEST friend but sometimes I JUST WANT TO TALK TO A GIRL thank you very much.)
  7. a vitamin D deficiency.
  8. a brain that's constantly thinking of what I want instead of what I have already been blessed with, even though I have waaaay more now than I ever did in college.
How did I get here? Simple. I left Neverland. I grew up. I'm not a child anymore.
But does growing up and not being a child anymore mean that you have to give up the things we used to enjoy? (Look at me I sound like I'm 60 or something...not twenty freaking five). While I admit my tastes have changed since I was 19, I feel like I lost my joie de vivre and by golly I WANT IT BACK!
So here's my "Take Back My Joie de Vivre" List:
  1. Move back to Hawaii (check!)
  2. Ask for help more often
  3. get out of debt
  4. Go out with friends
  5. Take more naps
  6. Go on dates
  7. Re-teach myself the guitar (which I used to play a lot but have since forgotten)
  8. Play my flute
  9. SING. I love to sing. And I don't anymore...not really.
  10. Go on picnics
  11. Learn to say "no".
  12. read books (not just blogs)
  13. Plant a garden
  14. Look at something beautiful every day.
  15. Take walks
  16. Learn how to cook. I mean REALLY cook.
  17. Exercise
  18. Excuse myself from perfection. It ain't happening.
Life doesn't have to end after kids. In fact, I'm discovering that a woman's zest for life becomes more important when she becomes a mother because really? what's the point of raising other people when you're empty and a shadow of your former self? What will you have to give them? We gave them life. Now we must help them LIVE it. Step 1: Live yours.