i'd be lying if i wasn't just a teensy bit sad

So we're on vacation on O'ahu - the first time Nōweo's been on a plane. She did REALLY well, but that's not what this post is about.

This post is about me needing Nōweo more than she needs me. My uncle and aunty put together a cradle they no longer needed so she would have a place to sleep. Not wanting all their hard work to go to naught, I put Nōweo to sleep in the cradle thinking to myself that she would whine and fuss and not be able to sleep unless she was in bed with me. I wanted her to need me to comfort her and tell her that she was safe in this strange new place.

Well, I was wrong. She slept like a rock and only woke up once all night. That doesn't mean I got a good night's sleep. I was a wreck getting up all night to check on her and make sure she was ok without me. Of course she was fine. Another parent might've been thrilled with these results. Not me.

Sometimes it's easy to think that our children can't live without us and that we have to do everything for them and it's such a chore, but I think they do more for us than we realize. When they fall asleep on you, it means they trust you. When they smile at you, it means they love you. When they reach out to you it means they need you. By needing us our children help us develop what it takes to be the best parent for them, and the best person we could possibly be. I'm happy I get to feed my girl, rock her to sleep, comfort her when she's scared. I LOVE LOVE LOVE when she needs me, so I wasn't happy when she went straight into that cradle without so much as a peep of protest.

I don't want to watch something that was once a part of me grow and detach and become independent and leave.

I have no choice though. That's what my job is: to teach my children how to NOT NEED ME, and THEN, be OK with it. I shudder at the thought. So for now, I think only of this: