dreams


Last night i had a dream
that my daughter was pushing her hand through my belly
like someone pushes their hand through a sheet
and I held it.
Then she pushed her whole body against my belly
so I could clearly see her outline
and she wrapped her whole body around my hand
so that I was holding her through my belly
gotta admit, that kinda weirded me out, even in my dream...
but she clearly loved me
and wanted me to hold her.
So i did.
Today I had really strong, close BH contractions
starting at around 9:30am and still happening though with less frequency and strength
as I write this at 5:00pm
I also had lower back pain and some increased pelvic pressure
all of these are possible signs of preterm labor
and DEFINITELY warrant a call to the midwife.
Call me crazy, but I saw this as a good opportunity to practice what I'd been learning about labor
and trusting my instincts.
I KNEW
absolutely KNEW
that Nōweo  wasn't coming today, or anytime soon.
let me make it clear that if I had any doubts about this, I would've gone to the hospital.
I thought that if I freaked out, that it might make things worse.
So I laid down on my left side,
drank some water,
rubbed my belly,
and had a little chat
with my girl.
I told her that I wanted to hold her so badly
but that now is not the right time.
That outside can be scary and even dangerous even if your prepared for it
and worse if you aren't
YOU are not fully prepared yet.
And even though I'm here to protect you, I won't be able to do that as well
if you come early.
You are safe inside of me.
That is where you belong.
Everything has it's proper place and time
and in a few weeks,
it'll be our time
to meet face to face.
But for now, we can meet in our dreams.
Well, like I mentioned, my BH didn't stop
but they slowed down
a lot
and I feel so peaceful
I feel like we were able to have a special moment
that I could take the time to communicate with her.
I feel like she said, "ok Mommy. I trust you."
I hope she always does.
I think we're off to a good start.