Thoughts of a Future Father


Laying in bed, I look across and as peaceful as can be, my wife snoozes away. It's amazing to think a child is growing inside of her. Our child. I wonder how she will look like or the type of personality she will have. Will she be active and playful or cautious and reserved? Will she understand how much her parents love her and will I be able to show her all the love I have inside? These questions constantly barrage my mind as I worry about my adequacy as a father. Did my father have these same questions? If he did, he didn't treat his children the way I want to treat mine. This brings me anxiety, as I contemplate how far the apple has fallen from the tree. Do I know what it takes to be a father? No one taught me the right way. All I know is what I saw and what I saw isn't good enough for me. This desire is what drives me to work hard in school and pushes me to follow a different path from the one my father had chosen. Instead of finding relief from everyday worries through drugs, I find peace through church activities, movies and other things that aren't as self destructive. I know I won't be a perfect father but I do know what I can do to be a better one. That's all I can do, is be better than my father and hopefully my children will be better than me. The circle of life, I guess. These are the thoughts of a future father.